Barriers and Roadblocks to Soul Progress: #12 Creeping Callousness | EP 052

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I'm Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are Mastering life's adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:01

Hi, I'm back. And I'm here to talk about the next barrier and roadblock to our own soul progress, our advancement, our evolution of our soul. It is so subtle that before you know when we're experiencing it, and maybe being detached from it in it's similar but a little bit different from the episode 23 When I talked about creeping condemnation, in the common word here is creeping. And so this creeping aspect is what I'm going to be talking about and the next barrier or roadblock. And that is creeping callousness. Yes, creeping callousness, I want to bring this to your attention. Because of this whole aspect of creeping it is so slow, as well, similar to creeping condemnation. But this creeping aspect of callousness is so subtle, and slow, that is imperceptible. It's moving like at a snail's pace. And you might say, when you think about creepy, sometimes you think about hold on Halloween, and Canada, the movies and the shows that have this creepiness to them. And then you somebody to maybe think about a plant like an IV, and it's growing and creeping up the side of a wall or a house that's taking place. But usually, this creeping energy is negative. It has a negative connotation, and is not necessarily anyway, helping with this next barrier that I'm talking about in terms of callousness. So let's just talk about the creeping aspect a little bit more first. Because what we're talking about that is so imperceptible, that you can't necessarily know that is, is kind of moving forward, because it is and maybe under the microscope, you can see it moving and expanding. But this energy is so slow, that it may happen to us, this creeping aspect of moving into callousness may happen because of a situation or a circumstance, or a person or event that created some level of frustration, or some level of anger or disbelief, or hurt. And when I talk about disbelieve, I'm talking about a quality of being shocked by something that may have happened to us that we didn't think it was going to be coming from that person, it was kind of a I would use that word when they say that it came out of the blue, or it came around the corner, you didn't see what was around the corner and it came out and that situation, and that was hurtful or created disbelief for you. We don't realize it kind of when it does that. It creates this numbing and ourselves, because we're trying to numb against the pain or the disappointment or the hurt that has been done. Because there is some level of our own inner being we know that sometimes these issues that are happening in our life, through other people or other events or circumstances that we find that they are creating this death by 1000 slashes that is creating hurt by 1000s lashes. So it's not one picture trigger situation, but to be multiple situations that is creating this slow movement to become more disconnected or are not attached to our feelings. And so it can be anything if something for example, when you have a boss, who is always quick to tell you what you're doing wrong And especially in front of your peers are in meetings that is happening. So they're quick to tell you, you know what you're doing right? Or what you're doing wrong in front of other people, which can create this embarrassment. And so what you end up doing is you might be saying, well, it's not gonna affect me, second a bother me. But this has been happening for two years. And it seems like isn't going to be letting up anytime. So then we move ourselves into saying, I don't care, I'm just doing my job. And that's fine. But in the same as some of the way that I don't care, actually. And we may add to that, at least I'm getting a paycheck, or at least I'm employed. Yes, that helps maybe in coping for a period of time. But we don't realize that is having an impact upon our feeling nature. And why we're slowly getting on unattached is detached from the situation to protect ourselves, I get it. We want to protect ourselves, or can be with the spouse who is quick to monitor what you're eating and what you're saying and what you're doing. You may say, you know that that feels very constrictive. And it feels like I can't be myself, and I can't express myself. So we do all our feelings about what's happening to us. Because in our mind, we rationalize least I'm in a relationship, you know, at least I have a companion, even though that companion is not very constructive maybe to your own well being and your greater sense of the goodness of who you really are. So but you stay in that relationship, and you stay in those particular situations, because you believe that we have something better than nothing in the relationship. But I like to challenge that a little bit and say, Is that really true? If you're in a relationship that's creating this creeping callousness? In terms of how you feel about what is being said to you or done to you? Is it a good situation to be in? And it may not be? And most likely it is, and, and are there other ways of coping with those situations, which I'm going to get to in a little bit and in terms of when I talk about the soul, and its impact upon the soul, this creeping condom callousness, is so subtle, as I was saying, or sometimes it can be very overt as well. But what quality is, what the issue is, is disconnects us because we don't want to feel discomfort, we don't want to feel awkward, and we don't want to feel a sense of embarrassment. So it's this invisible process that's taken place that's moving us and through this disconnection of these events, or situations or people that are happening to us, that hurt us in some way, or make us feel uncomfortable, or discomforted, in some ways. It moves us into this insensitivity, we're not even realizing it, it moves us into being insensitive to how we really feel. Because how we feel we don't lie. And therefore we disconnect from it. It moves us into maybe being indifferent or unkind, and to ourselves or to others that we're you know, we become more critical of ourselves just as a person externally to us as being critical to us, we can internally be now take that in and be critical to ourselves, um, to this or I'm too that I could have said that differently. I could sit that better, on and on, and on and on, that goes on. And even to sometimes developing, if this is continuously going on that, as I said, death by 1000 slashes, and this In this interpretation is, by 1000s lashes, we get more callous, we get more insensitive that it can over time. And that timeframe is going to be different for each person moves us into hardness of heart, moving us into that callousness. Like we're putting on armor, our hearts shell over our heart, to try to protect it from that boss, who is being negative, or persistently on throwing arrows at us for the work that we're doing, which is he can't or she can't say it wasn't quality work. It's as if they're nitpicking for some reason, you know, at our work that we're doing, or it may be from a colleague, or it may be you know, from that relationship I talked about before earlier that you staying in this situation because of you feel like you don't want to be alone. But these arrows that are coming our way that are creating pain and disappointment, disappointment and hurt by what other people are saying to us. It has an impact on us.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:09:56

So the state may Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. And I think I've said this before, words do have power, words do harm us. And we have to learn how to know to how to protect ourselves besides getting a Hardness of heart, or putting a shell around ourselves or disengaging from a better yet shutting us down to to the greatness and expressing his the things that we need to express. But then, as I was saying earlier, this rationale that comes in our mind for staying in this situation is because these we have someone, or at least we have a good income coming in. And all that may be true. But is there another way that you can deal with these types of situations that are coming up. So it has less impact upon your soul evolution, and gives you greater wisdom to know how you need to navigate in this situation, because she stay in contact with your soul, as opposed to walling off your soul. And one of the avenues of your soul expression is through your heart. So if we have a Hardness of heart, or we're experiencing kind of a shell that is placed around us as a protective shell, then we actually have walled off ourselves from our soul. Have you thought about that? We've watched ourselves from our soul. I saw knees and degree of sensitivity, it speaks to that degree of sensitivity that is within us, be it male, female, doesn't matter. The soul is sensitive. It needs we need to be able to hear ourselves, so we can be able to be directed in a divine way. I'll talk more about that in a minute. I've been thinking about other potential stages to this creeping callousness. What do you think, are the stages that happens to us? And just for food for thought, I'm thinking about that. And you can add or subtract from what I'm thinking about in terms of these particular stages that happened with creeping carelessness. I'd love to hear your thoughts, I think there are stages. So the first stage in this creeping callousness is getting to what I want to call as the days of AES, that being days by the situation of the person, or the circumstances that you seem to have happened to you, or you find yourself in your days by once person says, what they said, why they're doing what they're doing. And you may sigh more. And you may, you know, talk with others about this, you know, on the phone with friends, and you start complaining about this bad behavior of boss, or the bad behavior, and the relationship that you find yourself in. And this critical illness that people these individuals, or circumstances are putting before you. So that's one thing that may happen, or can be even with a challenging, um, teacher in a school that you're in, and you're finding that the teacher is seems like they're honing in on you, and in a negative way, and you can't understand so you're days by it, he's like, what's going on here? What's what's happening? Why they singled me out. And this may occur, you know, for a good length of time. And so in that process of it happening, it may then move you into getting tired. This is next phase, feeling weary, you know about this, so you move from days. And then because of the frequency and the prolonged ness of this happening to you, is now move you into this whole tired Rarey type of feeling that you're just tired that is happening and is creating some distress in your life. And then we hit into the third phase, which I call numbing face. And that numbing, you're trying to convince yourself that I just kind of kind of step back and don't let this deep bother me. You move into being just more detached from the discomfort of the pain that you're finding that's happening to you and your particular situation. at work or at home. And, and in that process of numbing. That's when aspirin numbing or selves, we are don't realize that it is creating now a barrier to our soul evolution. That is creating a distancing that we're putting on our, our feeling nature. And that distancing that we're putting, and not trying to feel how we've learned about the situation. And it may not just be one situation that this is happening in, and maybe several situation that you're finding that you're in a cycle of handling handle these discomforting painful types of people, or circumstances or situations or experiences at home or at work, or in your own expectations that how you thought you did in a particular work project, or how you particularly did in a social gathering, and so you may be very pained by not liking how you did. And so we start revolving in our minds, and we start thinking about it. And then that also, the says, to develop this creeping callousness to ourselves, because we don't want to feel pain. So we try to remove how we feel from this situation. And that's where the I don't care, I really doesn't matter, or, you know, is it's just what it is, is kind of the more attitudes that we take on with this. So that numbing, you know, that's happening, maybe the frequencies less, so it's maybe more whatever, but over time, it does leave us to the fourth phase. And that is freezing, freezing ourselves and our sensitivity, just like an ice cube. So we're frozen like an ice cube. In that situation as a way of walling ourselves off of I said earlier, creating the hardness of hard or the numbing, moving into freezing the whole situation, in terms of in our nature, our emotional nature. So we have these ice cubes of situations that are taking place, and creating in this creeping way, callousness and a barrier to how we feel about things. So when we're asked about how you feel about blah, blah, blah, you just can't quite know how you feel. And instead, we usually feel are those strong emotions, not those more sensitive emotions may may strong, remember angry or resentful, or when we dislike something strongly, we know those particular feelings, but the more subtle feelings, we may not be able to identify, because we have these ice cubes that are taking an occupying space within our minds and our hearts in our consciousness. And being in a world. This becomes, unknowingly to us an invisible problem, to your souls progress. And we have to be aware that life experiences will happen to us. Things will not go well. At times things will go superb other times, in that when things are not going the way we'd like them to go. How do we manage it? How do we not shut ourselves down. Or if you're going to have to shut yourself down, just know it and do it consciously, intentionally and remove yourself and take some time to reflect and think about what's happening. But you're thinking about it with the soul in mind. And remember, as I've been saying, through this series, the soul and this podcast, the soul is a substance of your life. It's a substance that you want to protect, you do want to guard it, you do want to love your soul. And you do want to be in communion. And asking yourself more questions that allows your soul to be able to give you a response to the situations. So the situation with your boss, who is maybe jealous of how well you do at work, or jealous that you're able to communicate and express yourself so well. And the way in which that jealousy is showing itself is to do this situation of being critical of you. Or having to correct you in some ways. Now you can get as you always have heard, you have no control over what another person does. But you do have control of what you do. Have you ever thought about this formula that I'm going to give to you and it's called ask,

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:19:50

first and foremost, when you're dealing with these types of situations. You want to acknowledge that this is painful and it's hurtful, but you You're not going to get into complaining about it, you're just acknowledging that it is what it is. So that's the A. And then you want to seek perspective. And that's the Yes, seek perspective. And that seeking a perspective is from the higher path, the higher self, you want to ask your inner self. So what I need to do in this situation, helped me to know when to speak, and when to be silent, helped me to see whether this situation is something that I can creatively do something about, or have a conversation to the other person about it, especially if it's a personal relationship that you're involved in. And so the A acknowledge the ACIS, is seek perspective. And the K is Knowing of your inner self, your Higher Self, your soul self, your Christic nature that you're aspiring to be. And in that Christ Mike way, you are asking for guidance about what do you need to do to protect yourself? What do you need to do to manage the particular situation that you find yourself in? So is this reflective time that you've heard me talk about periodically, throughout the episodes, that in that reflective time, we are now going in that to that space, that is a quiet space and meditative space, if you meditate, our asking now for guidance to help us. And when we can quiet ourselves down, quiet our mind down. And know that we've been having these ongoing interactions or communications with our inner self, our soul self, we will get the prompting, and what we need to do, we will now that maybe this particular person has been so negative to us, sometimes, we need to make a comment, to acknowledge that this person is what they're saying. That's, for example, you may have to say, I'm trying to, um, get a better understanding about what it is that you find that I'm not doing, to your liking. And, and see what the person says, and this is done, you know, behind closed doors and a one on one, it does take courage for you to be able to ask them their particular type of question, but sometimes their inner self, but not sometimes, but many times our inner self and we have developed and cultivated that awareness of the soul that exists within us that substance of our life, it will tell us it will help us to say what we need to say. It will tell you sometimes now you don't want to say that just say this may be an that may be I'm hearing that you're not liking my work on this particular project, and you want me to do more of this. And see in the person may say yes or no. And then once you get that guidance, then you may say, is there something that's happening that I feel that you tend to be more critical? Of what I have to say? Is there a reason for that? Or is there something else that's going on that I can do to make our relationship better? See what the person says. But you're also you're doing it behind one on one closed doors, you're not doing in front of everyone. Because you don't want to do the same thing that you're like, you're not liking that is being done to you in a public way. So you're trying to do it more in a private way. And this is where they ask comes in. So you're asking the question more. You're acknowledging to your own self, what is taking place, you are seeking a perspective, by this asking about what's going on internally, your own perspective about it, as well as the other person's perspective about it. And then the K is knowing that you're asking for higher guidance in the situation. You're not just paying, trying to do what you see in front of you. Because sometimes, when you're asking for greater guidance, you get greater inspiration about some things that may be taking place that you wouldn't have gotten otherwise, because there is that sixth sense. And that sixth sense is the source says that is trying to prompt you and help you in some particular way. But our eye perspective, I mean in terms of our our perspective, is always moving from a higher awareness, a higher sense that are in this particular situation, and I'm going to use it as a way to try to teach me or guide me or help me to understand something about myself about the situation or about the person So I'm going to use it in a higher way, and not see it just as a form of attack, which is the lower path that happens with the ego persona. And the ego persona. When it feels attacked, it wants to attack back. It wants to complain, it wants to say woe is me, it wants to kind of go on the pity party path. And it's like, no, I don't need to do that. And instead, by me, asking my inner self, what needs to be done here, and then being able to try to express my thoughts and feelings about the situation, and see how the person takes it as the path that I want to walk on. But we have to also be aware of the fact that people have free well, they have free will, so we can do our best. And that's what, God the angels, the masters are saying, we do our best, we gotta let go the rest, we if this person is not receptive to what we want to say, on in the relationship, or at work, then we have to give them the free will. But then we have to also make choices where we are. And what we want to do in either preserve our inner harmony, our inner peace, but it's not to cut ourselves off to this creeping callousness. We don't want to get callous in order as a protective measure, and therefore walling off again, the essence, the substance of our lie, which is our soul. The soul communicates to us do the sensitivities, subtle sensitivities. And through, as you heard me say, this time and time again, quietness, quiet time, still time, so that we can be we can be able to hear and listen to what is being asked. Now, this is take a lot of time. No, it doesn't actually, the more that rebuild the momentum of taking spaces and periods of time, just ask ourselves questions, and then be able to listen for the answer. It builds up a momentum, and allows us to move towards mastery of being able to be in contact with our inner self, in a positive and quick response. Because sometimes your inner self will quickly say, don't say anything, it's not worth it right now, it's not worth that, you know, expend that energy hold, there'll be a better time to make a comment. But what we're learning to do through the experience that's coming into our life is gain greater self mastery of our emotions. And our reactions, that sometimes with the greater view, is that whatever experiences is coming into us, what is the teachable moment? What can we learn from it? How can we grow? How can we advance how do we maintain our harmony? How can we maintain our peace? And if we get off the wagon of harmony, how do we get back on the wagon of like, we fall off the horse enough, because we get angry and frustrated and annoy. It's like, no, that's not the direction I want to move in, get back on the horse, and move in the direction that you want to move in. That is what we're trying to do. And knowing that those who are walking a spiritual path, every situation that is coming into our lives, are trying to teach us about something trying to help us to see what choices you want to make. And through those choices, how you're going to grow from that, and help the soul and be always in contact with that soul evolution, the soul advancement for ourselves, knowing that our goal is connection with the Christ, the Christic energies, that Christie qualities of what Jesus came to show us and how to walk that path and a greater, higher and more consistent way. Because ultimately, he said, This is the one quality that we're all trying to learn. And that is the quality of love. That is the quality of math. And secondarily is the quality of peace. Does it mean that we don't protect ourselves and appropriate way. But it does mean that we are trying to gain greater mastery internally through these situations that are happening to us. And I'll talk more about this in the future with other episodes that we'll have here and talking about barriers and roadblocks to soul progress. So what do you think? Bye for now.