Barriers and Roadblocks to Soul Progress #9 - Awkward Arrogance | EP 044

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I'm Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are mastering mice adventures begins now. Hi, I'm back. And the next barrier to soul progress I want to talk about is awkward arrogance. Arrogance usually refers to any types of acts or even feelings of being superior or more valuable, or better than someone else. Kind of the sense of importance when you're with or around others. I consider it kind of overinflating of the ego persona. And as you know, I've talked frequently about the ego persona and laying the foundations. So I'll refer you back to that is kind of an overestimation in terms of this arrogance that others around, you may perceived. But sometimes you don't perceive it. They perceive it as maybe you're believing whether you're it's conscious or not conscious about being better than other people. With a situation or event that's happened because you're smarter, you're quicker to be able to see certain things happening, or easy to be the first to complete a project and your workspace or being able to be really athletic and be very good at what you do in terms of the particular sport that you're playing be baseball or football or track and field. And it is this sense of being better in an egotistical way. We everyone has your strengths, and everyone has your areas that they are going to excel in. But there is for the awkward, awkward arrogance is that the awkward piece of it comes in is because others around that person perceive them as tooting their own horn too much. But they don't know what to do about it. Oh, they don't know how to tell the person that they think that they're being very arrogant about how they're going about doing something. This is they don't see themselves as like, we don't see the nose on our face. For example, unless we intention and look down and know that our nose is there. But we usually look out and look at things that are around us. And so this person may have a blind spot in some ways to this awkward arrogance, because they're just seeing what they do naturally as being okay. I want to share some thoughts about this awkward arrogance, from a psychological perspective, and also from a soul growth perspective. And there can be many reasons for arrogance, and the ways in which people usually identify it. They're usually three underlying type of issues or if you want to call them that reasons or causes that may be moving towards a person being more arrogant. One is they do a good job and whatever they do, they may be good at speaking and they're very good at public speaking. They're very good at bringing in a lot of revenue into that particular ad firm or to that particular organization that needs a money. And so they're really good at it. They're really good at scientifically coming up with new perspectives about how to advance a particular science or something from the lab, and they're very good and very innovative and how they're thinking and it brings a lot of praise, and a lot of funding Navy for that particular company or business or organization. They've come accustomed to being in the spotlight. They read liked we Even the praise and attention, they'd like the fact that on a weekly and monthly yearly and decade basis this has been given to them, they say that you're really good at what you do. The arrogance is there, because of the circumstances, it kind of helps to fortify their self worth and self confidence about things. And they're not being able to necessarily see that slowly, they're building that confidence in a way that is based on external things of accomplishments, that is not necessarily in the best light for them to have a greater fulfillment in themselves, which is where the soul comes in, which I'll talk about in a minute. But with this arrogance, and also that they will sometimes see people as less important than themselves, that they've been able to achieve so much, and to be able to move so far so quickly sometimes. And they've been able to garner the positivity in the minds of an admirable on this in the minds of the people's eyes that are around them, that they kind of now have moved to the point of the main focus. And that's the ego, the egos always focused on oneself, and what one's doing and how one's doing. And that is not necessarily the way if this all ego wants to continue to have flourishing without their approval, and the caring that they're getting from the all this attention. But what sometimes happens is when they no longer are performing, I guess it's a good worry, the attention goes away, and then what happens for them, they may continue in the arrogance, or they may continue to look at and reflect on, okay, this is not going to work out for me, because I feel deflated when I don't have the attention. And I feel inflated, when I do have the intention. Maybe I need to look at this and not base who I am based upon only these accomplishments that I am achieving. And they get into having to think and reflect a little bit about who am I. And from that stance, they're actually moving on a path. And when they start asking themselves about who am I am I all these accomplished out here, because when I don't get the recognition for the things that I'm doing, again, feel as if I'm kind of deflated perspective inflated, when I am getting this tension. So it feels a little bit of hollow, it feels as if you know, I am not in a stance about who I am. Because I gotta figure that out. And if you're able to figure that out, then you've maybe gone through one of those barriers, one of those levels of barriers, because many people are stay in the arrogant lane, and they don't realize they can change lanes and start to be flagged and do it a little bit different. Once again, back, but once the attention stops being placed on them, and that's when they may have insecurity in the form of a low self esteem. And so it is it as arrogance that can serve as a defense mechanism in order to say I'm okay, and I'm doing okay, and so it's protecting the self esteem, or one self worth and a way that is really actually not to the greater good of that person or the soul of the individual. And so you have to think, can it be another way?

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:08:43

Am I overcap compensating myself or on overconfidence, which is the inflated aspects that we talked about. So the person has to really be aware of the fact that if they're on that seesaw, of going back and forth between that overconfidence and under confidence in their abilities, or they stay focused on being really arrogant to say, this is what I'm showing the world and I am great, but behind the scenes of things, that is where they may have that under confidence about themselves. So they overcompensate and become more arrogant when they show to the world. Then that is a seesaw that the person is on whether you are aware of it in terms of you being the public who sees these individuals where they're aware of it or not. We all have some of this that we have to deal with within ourselves when we're being arrogant or boastful about things that is not in keeping with our soul's evolution and soul growth and progress. We each have to figure out where that line is and how not to step over that line. And one of the things I talked about and one of the other barriers and roadblocks was talking about the quality of humility and the importance of humility and you can go back and listen to that episode. But when it comes to this arrogance that happens, because then we may move us into wanting to compete, make sure people see how good we really are. And that how right we are, or how much we're better than someone. And so these characteristics of arrogance, we have to be atone to, we have to be aware of this arrogance that other people may not tell us because it's awkward for them to tell us that we're being arrogant. We are the ones who have to be the one observing ourselves and being aware of ourselves. And as I mentioned before, like a Sherlock Holmes to ourselves, when we're talking about the Riri, worried, I just want to talk about or about five characteristics of arrogance, just to help you to be more aware that these do show up in different ways. And so you can start to see like a Sherlock Holmes, when it may be showing up in my world. And also, then what I would like to do about that. So the first one is, is a need for constant attention, which I alluded to already, in the form of praise from other people, and making sure that people are seeing us in the most positive light. And that might be at work with a project that you completed, it may be at home, when we've done something around the house, and wanting recognition for that. But it's usually kind of this incessant thing of needing to achieve something and for people to appreciate us for the things that we are doing. So that brings up the other piece about the constant speaking of one cell, about your achievements, that I did this, and I did that and, you know, look at you know, I did this over here. So this constant, talking about all the things you did, and how great you are, that's usually a form of arrogance that's going on. And I say the word constant. So it's that level of frequency that has taken place. And it's also a part of an attitude that we're taking. And our attitude is, I'm better than you, whether it's conscious or not, is still there happening, and other people feel it and notice it. So the third aspect is to be aware of it that sometimes kind of breezes, arrogance, and they all think happened together, is when you don't recognize mistakes, that moves you into never being wrong. And if you did make a mistake, but you don't acknowledge me, what you instead do is justify. And so the justification for the mistake that went on that you don't think that you should have to be worried about this is the issue, it means you have a blind spot, it means that we're not necessarily being willing to see maybe how our arrogance is showing up. And also, again, being awkward for other people in our lives to tell us that we're being arrogant. So the other aspect is, in essence, the fourth one is when arrogance is happening. And this constellation of factors that I'm talking about here are characteristics or qualities that show up for an individual that moves them into having this kind of perspective of being more arrogant, and awkwardness and for the people to share that with this particular person is that they find it difficult to ask for forgiveness, when they have done something wrong, or when they have made a mistake. Because at some level, they don't believe that they have made a bigger mistake goes back to that, that they've done anything, quote unquote, wrong. And so it really does move one into not being able to do the very thing that may help in a particular situation, either at work or at home, just just to say, You know what, I set that or did that that was not appropriate, oh, I didn't see that it was going to hurt you in a particular way. And please forgive me. There is a quality of humility that has to come in that usually when we're in this arrogant mode, we are not willing to do but the soul is needing for us to do that. The soul is wanting us to be able to own up to things that weren't done right. And that could be done better. And to be able to do that in a way so it releases itself from kind of feeling as if it's being trapped, the soul is being trapped. And to this arrogance suit, that it says I don't that's not me, you're putting this overlay of the suit of like a physical suit, you know, a dress suit, for example, on the soul. That is the soul success not me that's I want to be able to be humbled. I want to be able to forgive. I want to learn how to forgive and let go of certain things. But arrogance usually does not.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:15:02

That's the ego, the arrogance is a part of the ego life. And that is not the part of the souls life and desire and direction that it wants to go. So we've we've talked about this constant need for attention as kind of the first point, for example, and we talked about this constant need for the person to have a sense of achievement. And we talked about the third point, which was, doesn't like to recognize mistakes. And we're talking about the next point about is difficulty and wants to blame others for mistakes that have been made. And so it's hard for forgiveness to take place, or to acknowledge forgiveness when it's needed. And the fifth thing that I wanted to talk about, usually with arrogance, there is criticizing of others who don't meet up to a particular standard. Therefore, cost they do not meet a particular standard of how the work needed to be done, or how a table needed to be set for dinner, or what the etiquette is needs to be in a particular formal gait engagement or gathering that's happening. Instead, there is more criticism that goes on, it does kind of breed itself into saying that, okay, you're no what's right. And everyone else around is kind of moved into the category of what's wrong. And there's a right way and a wrong way to do things. And yes, there is some truth to that. But the attitude or the way in which that is implemented, needs to be looked at, and what the soul desires. And its progress, because we just talked about some barriers to souls, and there's some barriers that are roadblocks to us. And we can visually see that, for example, we know we need to apologize for something we did. And we don't do that. That's the kind of a roadblock that we're saying, Nope, you know, we put that roadblock up to our souls progress. And there are sometimes barriers that are unseen, as I mentioned to you in another episode, and those unseen ones are things that are blind spots that we don't, we just didn't realize are just don't acknowledge in any way. So for example, like we don't make, we don't acknowledge the fact when there's mistake has been made. And so we think we'd never do anything wrong. And that and so we don't see that. And we need to be able to see that. In this process of talking about this, I want to also switch gears a little bit, and also talk about what the soul needs. There are also things that can help to move the soul when you say, Okay, I no longer want to create these barriers or these roadblocks to my soul. And I want to be more aware of when this is showing up for me. Then you first began to ask yourself, Okay, how does how do I want to be? What is my desire? How can I grow from this experience that I'm going through right before my eyes, when I see the My ego being this awkward arrogance. And so I need to take some space, and be able to acknowledge the fact that I can do this differently. There is a softness, that one starts to assume there's that softness, we're willing to be able to say, okay, even though it's hard for me to say that I made a mistake, or I want to tension on myself, but what I can say is, look up to your higher self, your I Am Presence, you're a creator and say, God helped me. God helped me to see what I need to see. And God to help me to make the shifts and changes that I need to make. That goes a long way. Because there's a law. If I mentioned this before, there are laws of the universe that says the call compels the answer. So if you want to step out of the ego persona, or this energy of being arrogant, then we ask God for help. We don't have to do it by ourselves. Because the arrogance of of the ego persona says, I can do it myself, I can do it my way. I don't need any help. But the true path of soul evolution is knowing that you don't have to do it alone, that you can have a support in helping you by the call compelling the answer. So ask for it to show itself more to you when the arrogance is showing up. If you do have those blind spots, and ask for showing a better way of being with other individuals, how can I be kinder in my interactions with others? How can I apologize and say, You know what, that wasn't the right thing to do. I want to try better and I will do better the next time in our interactions with us. How do you say more? Thank you for helping me thank you to the inner self, which is your soul for helping you to guide you and also to your outer self, which is your ego for allowing you to tame itself down so that you can be able to see these things. Because there is a place for this, the ego is just not around arrogance. And you've heard me say this before the the eagle, it needs to be under the dominion of the soul in the Christic like qualities that you're trying to be implement in your life in your day to day experiences, at work at home, and even in your thinking about yourself. And the soul is always want to see the good in situations. So you're trying to cultivate seeing the good and not seeing the fact that you did this wrong. And you need to do it again. And instead, you've got you're trying to ask your inner self is how can I talk to this individual, this situation that's going on in front of me in a way that is helpful for them to see maybe some things that they can do better, but also not from a standpoint of this egotistical arrogance that you know better, and your way is going to be the right way. Because sometimes you know what? It isn't. And it's really takes the talking through the communicating with another person, that you may find a better way through your conversations that you do have. The other thing about soul, the soul always needs kind of an open perspective about things and open mindset to look and to understand in conjunction to the laws and principles by which the soul is trying to live by. And but the arrogance of the ego always wants to close things down and only see it from one perspective. And it's usually a perspective that is about the me and not about the way and we how can we be prosperous? How can we do this together. And a way that's going to be helpful, if I were to say to tips that might be helpful, is usually with these barriers and roadblocks. We do need to do more observation of ourselves. You have to observe and see how this energy shows itself up in your world. So you can identify and start to be able to say, that's not happening here. Let's make a pivot, let's make a better choice. Let's do it in a different way, a kind of way. So one of the things you're looking for in this observation is situations in which you are feeling either resentful, or anger or irritated or sulking because you didn't get attention, or because the person didn't say it right, or the President didn't address you, right? You want to know when these things are coming up in you, and you're trying to literally see it, and then be able to say, I see you and start to be different start to interact in a different way. And the other tip I will give to you is what I call this Be intentional with being authentically humble. humbleness, is actually a superpower that helps the soul to grow into advance. Because it requires a degree of modesty. And it's a quality that in the Bible actually, it says the meek shall inherit the earth. What is meekness, but a humbleness. And we can start to manifest more than a humbleness or meekness in our life, because meekness is not necessarily your nothing, and you're not going to have a voice and I could to be able to say what you need to say. But it is a degree of a humbleness that allows you not to have to be prideful or boastful. And the soul this by the code of how may I be helpful? How may I be kind hearted, may I be truthful? And how may I glorify God? In all that I do? It is the Bose fold type of experience that I just want to make this point around, that we have to really keep in check. And say, Do I really need to say this at this point in time? Or is it just something that? Yes, I used to do have the old self of being arrogant and boastful. But you know what, I don't need that right now. This is not going to add value to the conversation that is being talked about here. With that being said,