Breaking New Ground: Five Judgments that Can Freeze Soul Growth | EP 012

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are mastering mice adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:01

Hi, I'm back. I wanted to talk about something that I think we all do, we do it so automatically, then we don't give much attention to. And that's about judgments, judgments. We make so many judgments throughout the day, we make conclusions about things that may or may not be right. But just think about the types of judgments we make. We make judgments about appearances and what we look like and the clothing that we wear, about how we're speaking, how we're eating, what we're eating what someone else is eating, the type of job a person has versus the type of job I have, we're making judgments about status whose job is better than someone else's job about talking too much or not talking enough. So we're making personal judgments, we make judgments about situations that we find ourselves in circumstances about other people. So we're always making judgments. And the thing is some of the judgments may be appropriate, we have to make judgments or appropriate decisions. But I'm talking about judgments that relate to being critical. And these are critical aspects of ourselves or about other people that are not really helping in any way. It feels like, in some ways, it's commentary that's going on in your head, like constant commentary that's going on in your head. And remember, I talked about stillness in Episode Five. Well, that's not happening. If there's all this commentary judgment that's going on in our head. And whether we deserve the judgments or not. Most of the time, we tend to be more severe. And we can become our own worst enemy, the adjustments that we're making, especially about ourselves. An example would be I was traveling on a two lane highway, and the traveling and I was going to work. And I was probably daydreaming. And I was going probably about 45, maybe 50 miles and a 35 mile zone. And what woke me up very quickly was I had a cop car that came up behind me. I said, Oh, no. I looked at my speedometer. And I realized, I got a little bit nervous. Oh, this police officer is going to pull me over. I know he's going to pull me over. Because I am certainly going over the speed limit, even though I tried to slow down a teeny bit, because I didn't want to do it be too obvious that I was putting the brakes on too quickly. And so I ended up saying, Okay, what should I do here? I'm making a judgment that, you know, I hear about the police officer knowing that I'm speeding. So I said, he's probably gonna give me a ticket. So let me just kind of take the ticket, I was in the wrong. And I pulled my car over to the side and waited for him to put his flashers on, and step out of the car and proceed towards me. This is kind of what I had going on in my mind that was going to happen. And instead, he actually slowly move past my car, looked at me with a puzzled face and continued on. And I was like, wow, I was thinking he was going to do this and this and this, you know, and I would have a ticket and I would have to go to court and so forth and so on. And the reality was none of that was true. But was The judgment I made, I certainly was.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:05:04

And there's usually two cousins that come along with judging. That's cousin criticism, thinking, Oh, my God, I did a terrible thing, you know, now I'm gonna get the consequences of it. And then there is also cousin justification. And justification was I was going to take Think and tell the police officer, I was daydreaming, I usually don't speak this fast, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was like, No, I was in the wrong and causing justification needs to go and causing criticism doesn't need to remain. When brands are wrong, we make the changes, we keep on moving. But I want to talk about, there are five judgments that we tend to make, that really dampens our souls progress. That's where you just heard me talk about the critical judgment that I was making of myself in the situation with the police officer. And that ended up not being true. But it still, as I said, was a judgment. And there are zillions of judgments that we make all the time. And these judgments to have an impact on our soul growth and evolution. And we need to be aware of that, that our soul wants to be free, and our soul wants to do the right thing. But it doesn't want to be dampened, doesn't want to be thwarted, and is attempt to be able to have its light shine through us. So what are those five judgments of the many judgments that we make of ourselves or have of ourselves or of others. The first one is not being good enough. We're not satisfied with thinking, we're not good enough, where we need to do better, we need to show that we're better, or show to this person, or that person that we can be able to do whatever it is that's being asked of us. And what happens is that sense of inadequacy, or inner critical illness creates more negativity in ourselves, and more doubt about whether we are good enough. But that's not the direction of the soul. We actually need to be able to acknowledge our soul, which is an aspect of our divinity, which in God is is that we can pass. You know, I know that there's things that we don't necessarily do the right way. But we can also correct and not have this weight on ourselves, that we must not be good enough. That's the first one. The second one is not lovable. Somehow, we're not lovable, because of things that happened in our childhood or in our teenage years or even our adulthood, that we're not lovable, and that we can't be loved because of situation A or B that has happened to us. And there's a part of us, that does crave for others love loving of us, being appreciative of us, liking us. Yes, that's all we all do want that. But we can't move from the standpoint that we're not loving, or they're not kind. And that we can have high regard for ourselves and others in need to move away from the sense that we're not lovable. Because you have the capacity regardless of what happened to you in earlier life or in currently in life. You have the capacity to love to love abundantly. We just have to cultivate that quality, cultivate the thoughts and the feelings around that quality. And when we cultivate that, it does help our soul to flourish. It does help our soul to flourish. The next one, or the third is never being forgiven. We think because we did this particular behavior or said this particular statement, or we ended up saying something really mean spirited, that it means that we will never be forgiven for that bad behavior.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:09:40

In saying that nasty thing. And so we are really harder on ourselves and that judgment that we have about ourselves to know yes, maybe we didn't say things right. Maybe we didn't engage in the appropriate behavior. But can it be corrected? Yes, it can be correct it. And we have to be willing and be intentional and be consistent about correcting things. And know that we first have to forgive ourselves. And when we learn to forgive ourselves, we also are better at forgiving others. So we can learn how to forgive. And it helps us all and frees us all on his path, knowing that this is not about being perfect, which is the next judgement we make. That I never can do anything perfect. And that's adjustment, you're not here to do things perfect. Your art, you're here to do things that allows your soul to continue to grow. And if it means you made a wrong turn. So be it. Did you learn from it? How did you take the step to do the course correction that you made you turn back around, like when you're lost somewhere, and you're trying to follow the GPS, and you realize it still feels like it making even more lost, I'm not going in the right direction, you stop, you recalibrate the GPS, you make sure or you get direction for someone who lives in the area, to help you be able to make sure you're moving in the right direction. So we don't have to be perfect. And I said this in another episode, we just want to have right heart, we're doing this with the right heart, and we trying to collect correct our behaviors, when we are able to do it intentionally, and consciously, and also the thoughts and the feelings. We're trying to keep it in attunement with what our souls desire is, which is harmony, which is peace. So I just finished talking about not being good enough as a judgment and not lovable. And I will never be forgiven for a particular behavior action. And the other one was about perfect. But the fifth one that I want to talk about was always been suspicious of people and thinking that you can't trust anyone because of what happened to us in the past and the relationship or on the job where we were trying to to champion someone and they ended up betraying us in some way, or in a relationship, when we felt that someone ended up stabbing us in the back, so to speak, because of the statements that they made. And we thought we were in a relationship in which was a trusting type of relationship. So we then move into the notion or the attitude that I can't trust anyone that we get into that attitude, because we don't want to get hurt, I get it. No one of us wants to get hurt, so we get suspicious. And that's no place to live. And it's really being hyper aroused to a situation that may or may not happen. There are many people in this world that are trustworthy, and they work on it. And what we have to do is not trusting the human dimension of who this person is in front of us, we're tying into their their divinity, their soul that we want the best from them, and we want them to have want the best for us as well. So part of it is realizing that went suspiciousness, we have to be able to know that if a person is doing something, and it's wrong, and they can continue to do something, and it's wrong. And they continue more. So to walk down the wrong path, then we have to use our point of discernment. And realize this may not be a person that I want to be around. And we have that choice. Just as much as they have the choice, they continue to go down the wrong path.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:13:57

So discernment becomes more important. So it leaves us not having to be suspicious about people's motives, we can be trusting that it will be revealed to us as it needs to be revealed to us of what's going on with a person. And sometimes that's the prayer that you make in your soul is helped me to see what I need to see and how I need to see it, Lord, to be able to have the discerning wisdom and the guidance of our inner nature or why self that soul self to you know, help us to know what we need to do. And whether this is the person that is right for us to be associated with or not. What are the aspects that you can think about is what is too all these five judgments that I just finished talking about having common, not being good enough? Not lovable. Never been forgiven? Never be perfect. always suspicious. They have something in common They are all ego centric views. Which is not the true awareness of your soul. And what your souls lens needs to be a spear so has a different lens, by what he's Richard looks at things by than the ego, you hear me talk a lot about the ego persona or the ego, because it is about energy going out in the souls need is for your energy to go in, and to also be more reflective, observant, attuned with your own inner nature. And finding a ways are a means by which you can be able to do that in. So the lens of the soul is looking at the experiences that are going on around that soul, your inner self as opportunities, opportunity opportunities to grow, opportunities to maintain harmony, opportunities for discernment, opportunities to love, in the midst of a challenging situation, how can I be kind, kind of the quality of love? How can I be more patient? That's the quality of love. What we're realizing is is that the ego in these five judgments, create also doubts, uncertainty, insecurities, comparisons, defensiveness, and it is these thoughts and feelings is the very thing we do have control over. And since we have control over them, we can change the state of how we're thinking and how we're feeling. And move it into the lens of the soul, which is looking at ways to be able to be helpful, looking at ways to be able to give more of oneself, knowing that you may not get anything returned, but you're giving for the sake of giving, because it may be the right thing to do is looking at through the lens that even in the midst of maybe a challenging situation, there is a silver lining. And so how do we celebrate? What is the right thing to do? What is the most helpful thing to do, and not get so much into these kinds of critical, judgmental or justification types of judgments? That is so easy to make. Because ultimately, what we're learning to do is everything that comes into our life, if you begin to perceive it as an opportunity for soul growth, then we start approaching the situations and not through judgments that go on, but through an awareness that there's something here for me to learn. There's something here for me to learn, and what might that be. And that is the work in progress that we're doing on a daily basis is trying to see that silver lining in that dark cloud or that situation that may be going on with our boss, who is a micromanager.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:18:20

And that boss is so micromanaging, that he really creates a lot of stress and strain for you. But part of your judgment may be is he's a terrible boss, or she's a terrible boss, or they are this or they're that or whatever it may be. But as I know, I'm not going to go there. This versus in my experience for a reason. How can I grow? How can I learn and keep it moving? Or the situation with your child who didn't pass an exam? And you really furious with that? Third your job because they should have passed you feel? But they didn't. So what is it for that for your child to learn? What is it for you to learn and move away from The Judgmental pneus of the situation and move into how can I help? How can what is additional resources this person which in this case is my child needs in order to help them continue to grow in the subject matter that they're not doing so well in? Do they need a tutor are another situation maybe you're going through maybe a separation or a divorce? And you look at it you know from the point of judging this other person of how bad this other person has been or or has not been a good partner and you're thinking about how this partner the litter belittles you and down rates Your talents and abilities, or the soul will look through the lens of this is a person that clearly is upset. And the separation may be something that is needed in order for us to get clear about new behaviors that need to form. And there are things that need to be worked on by both people in this situation. So how do you take the high road and just say, I will have to say, you know, there may be a piece of this that I can work on. But there are pieces that you need to work on to, and not move it so critically into condemning, as I said, or being or justifying why you're being so condemning or judgmental of the other person. And ultimately, with all these types of five judgments, you're learning that you're a work in progress. The soul is a work in progress is evolving, growing, and advancing every day, if you allow your soul to do so. And that means you have to keep mindful of your souls needs. And not just the the ego personna judgments that have taken place. And we talked a little bit about soul needs, and will always continue to talk about in this podcast about soul needs. Because the more that we understand the soul psychology, the more that we can be able to navigate the terrain that we find ourselves in, on a daily basis. And I like to say, You are worthy, because the soul that is within you, that is a part of God is birdie.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:22:04

And your soul is the truth of all that is trying to guide and help you. He's always trying to help you, if you give it the opportunity to be able to give this to promptings in some people think of the Solo is their intuition. And it is a part of your intuition. But the soul has mission, and it does have direction. And what we're trying to learn how to do is get through the static move to a greater stillness of awareness, so that we can be able to be obedient to the promptings that has been given to us through the day to day experiences that are coming our way. One of the things I would say, as I'm moving towards the end of today's podcast, is catch yourself start to be and begin to catch your judgments, see them some tinges of criticism, some trenches of justification, some Tengiz, you know, it's like a tent, you know, it's like these, you can get rose colored glasses, or you can read green glasses, you know, or you can repurpose glasses, you know, or lenses and the lines are tinted. So, be be attuned to the fact that there are so many different tests that go on with how we go about judging self judging others, judging situations, judging just to judge that, you don't have to do that. We don't have to be on that bandwagon of judging so much. And what I would like you to switch in move to, as you catch yourself is discerning, discern what is true, and what is not true. And therefore, you're asking yourself more. Is this true? This judgment that I have about this person, is it true, or this judgment I have about this situation, I find myself what's true, and what isn't true about the situation and work from the point of the truth, and see what you can do to leverage that aspect. Sometimes with that truth that we're utilizing to look through things and allows us to pivot, which I talked a little bit about in episode five to when we can pivot quickly, then we conserve energy, because those half truths or beliefs, especially regarding judgments, can constrict, restrict and freeze the souls progress. And the five judgments which there are zillions of judgments as I had mentioned earlier, that we make every day and some of those judgments it actually have themes to them. You So you want to begin to look at what those themes are, that come up for you that you're consistently making a lot of judgments that may be inaccurate, or half truths that are taking place that are having impacts painfully, negatively, maybe, sometimes even positively. But I'm talking about judgments that tend to be more and have a negative impact upon us, and the progress of our soul. And having to be rooted more discerning about them, and be willing to make some pivotal shifts and changes in those particular types of judgments that we are making, that are not serving us in any way. So that does really require some observation of yourself. And start to be looking at those types of judgment that weigh you down, like a ball and chain or a freeze you your soul, like an ice cube that does not allow for the progress of the ultimate important aspect of who we are. And that is soul growth, Soul evolution, something to think about. And one last thing, start looking for themes to your judgments I said a few minutes ago, because those themes will be very informative to you in terms of how your soul may be weighed down, or frozen. And you can now take some active steps to shift and change the thoughts and the feelings that have created those particular types of judgments that you're making.