Real Life’s Adventures in Living: Perspective Taking - Shifts, Parents, and Children – Part III with Guest Scott Feld | EP 036

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know. And to who you really are mastering mice adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

Hi, I'm back. And I am very happy to have Scott Feld. And we were having some technical difficulties towards the end of our conversation. And I was able to pull together the pieces that I think would be really helpful for you to hear in this next piece, talking with Scott about that our perceptions about how our views change through working and growing with our own inner self and nature, we have a different perspective about our parents, and about our passions about what's going to make a difference in the world. And his particular passion is working with nine to 12 year olds, and helping them to develop the skills that they need in order to help them lay the the foundation's like laying those railroad tracks that will allow them to be successful in life. And this is his passion. And he shares some of his life experiences that he has gone through that has garnered him into understanding how to relate to children and how to help them develop these superpowers, allowing them to be their best self. So I'd like to welcome back Scott fell. And we were talking about what he learned when he was going through a particular training and understanding his parents from a different perspective. So Scott, please.

Scott Feld: 00:02:32

And sometimes it just takes a different perspective from somebody else, I want to share something quick with my mom, when I did a training course. And it was really all about kind of it was a very deep dive into yourself, and who you are and how you relate to others. And one of the things I realized is that with my mom, I'd always considered her to be very opinionated. And so I related to her as opinionated avoiding conversations. And when she said something kind of like, Mom, it's kind of like, I don't know, if I, you know, whatever. And so our relationship wasn't as close as it could be because of that, right? And I thought it was her like, well, she's opinionated. How can I deal with that? A lot of adult kids especially tried to change their parents. And their parents will say, they can't be changed a lot of them, right. But you can think about what I did. And what's available, you don't change your parents, I don't want to be changed, you change your view. Because your view was just our view of view isn't a fixed name, unless you fix it. I've used them in so many different ways to look at something. And that's what I've learned. And that's what I share and teach because that's free. It takes the chains away, right.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:03:48

And that's what the soul wants. The soul wants to have the chains taken away so it can learn and experience but it needs to and see that the experiences that are coming into your life or your world, or even the family you're born into, is for purpose and for a reason for things to be learned at a soul level that our ourselves may not know about, but our soul does.

Scott Feld: 00:04:11

This is not where the intuition comes in, where we kind of like follows because when we follow an intuition, then something to allow us to grow like the intuition to take that course 15 years ago, right? allowed for this? Right? I could have definitely said no, that's the millimeter two mile hole again. Now I don't want to take that course it was actually offered to me like four times. And I did say no, it was just a moment where I said yes. Right. And then when I did everything changed for a lot of people, including my own trajectory and a lot.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:04:44

Yes, and there's something else that brings up that knows that we sometimes say it's the ego persona which I call and the ego wants to set maintain just the way things are I don't want to do that. That's stupid. That's not going to help me what am and the ego I always say no, no, no, the ego has its appropriate place. But it's a soul. That is the intuition that you're mentioning is a part of the aspect of the soul that St. I'm going to keep on putting in front of you, please choose, please choose, you know, we can move it to the next level. And I bring that analogy of the three analogies of the skateboard, the trampoline. And being able to be a cork in water, that we have some experiences that we need to just be a cork and water and allow the universe to support us. There's other times in which we need to be like the trampoline, we need to bounce higher, and keep on bouncing higher to see what is out actually going on in this situation that I find myself in. So you're bouncing higher ditsy the higher view so that you can understand it, and then get off of that and get off that level, and keep on moving to the next level. And then the third is a skateboard analogy. And the skateboard is sometimes we're on that skateboard. And we need to slow things down. So we can observe and see what we need to see that wouldn't see otherwise, because we're going too quickly through the experience. And so when we slow it down, and we see we can now we can grow on the soul starts to grow and say, Ah, I didn't see that before. And sometimes that's spirits that you had with your parents, your mom and your dad, you slow things down to see it's another perspective to see this by. And by seeing that my mom's not necessarily being opinionated as she is, and she truly says she is opinionated, but I changed my perspective about it. That allowed me to have a different experience with her.

Scott Feld: 00:06:39

And a different experience of myself in having an experiencer, which is always because it's, it would sound selfish, but it's always the lower you. When you do for others, you gain you grow, it's your soul. It's your right, that's why you're here. But doing for others is what causes a lot of that growth. And so if we can give, because that's it, that was a gift, right to my parents, to be able to say that to them and allow them to be free. It so he gifted me I was so I was man. I mean, you can imagine in that moment where all of the sudden just a sentence changes everything. But you have to be awareness, to say that sense. But also the other thing, both for me to take that course when I said no, no, no, no, was also a shift in perspective. I was like, I'm good. I don't need that. You don't need to fix me, that was the view, which shifted to let me give this a try and just see what's available. I'm not saying I like it, or it's good, or I need it. But I'm gonna give it a try. And that's sometimes the little thirst it takes in order to have a whole new world really around you and have that growth.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:08:00

Correct? And actually what that's all the soul wants us to try. So if we can plant the intuition to say, why don't you just try it? Why don't you see can't hurt anything, then when we do do it, then it opens the door that we've would never have had opened for us and change a state of consciousness that we wouldn't have been able to change otherwise. I think life is always given us experiences tried to help us to continue to grow and are at a spiritual level. And for those specially walking a spiritual path, whatever that spiritual path is, is allowing you to be open and receptive to the different types of experiences coming your way knowing that they're on purpose. They're teaching you something, they're allowing you to grow in some way, even the children around you that aboard, you know, they're there to teach you something as you sit here on the first episode. And you're learning to from the experience. So it's always this growing experience that we're always trying to garner and appreciate and value and look at it and know that sometimes we'll have skin knees in the process. But at the same time, if that makes a knee will heal, but also what did we learn from that skinned knee?

Scott Feld: 00:09:14

I was gonna say now you have skin knees by right? Are you looking only at the skin knees are you looking at? I did. And I got skinned knees.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:09:28

That's cool. Exactly. So any other type of comments that you'd like to make from our conversations today that would move the seeker in tune in terms of having a gift or a thought you want to leave with them?

Scott Feld: 00:09:44

Yeah, I really enjoy it because what I really love is the connection to that soul and I know that we can do that we it just goes so much deeper for us right there really becomes a reason for what we do out here. You know, if we can look and we can go, Okay, I don't have everything I want, I want more things in my life, I want to have different experiences, we can always turn to, and just know that that's what we're supposed to do. And we can go, that's what our soul is craving. That's what our soul is asking for. That's what's available. As you mentioned earlier, it's an abundant world out there, all things are available at all times to us, as long as we tap into that, but we do have to focus our energy, we do have to focus our thoughts towards that, in order for that to be available. Right, we can't be over here, watching the news channel and wanting like sports, or whatever we can't, we have to focus our attention on what it is that we want, we have to keep focusing. But some of the ways that I do that, and many do it is through meditation, if we just take those, and a lot of people are like, I can't slow myself down, I, you know, they're the ones who really need it the most. But the meditation is just like your time, to go into your burrow, to go to your place to block out things. And just allow yourself to one, I mean, this is my process, to really see all that you have, because I've always raises your vibration. Because if you're always just thinking of what you don't have or what you want, you always feel a lack. So when you start thinking about what you do have, then you start thinking about the abundance, vibration, oh my gosh, like I have a bed and a pillow and running water, and a house and a car. And a healthy sun. And like those are like the like, those are amazing things. But that raises that vibration. And then in the same moment, allowing the universe to know where you're going, what you want, why you want it, then listening. Because quietly, then just listen to the universe will speak to us, tell us where to go what to do, you know, guide us, carry us, literally carry us. When it carries us and we get in that flow, that vibrational flow. Right feels good, like feels complicated, it doesn't feel hard. Right? Things to use this look like the mountains now look like valleys. We can we can cruise through, we can get past stuff. And then when we when we get off, because life happens we have a place to go back to we remember it right one of our faculties, we endeavor to remember how to get there and where to go, we understand we just got wrong, we didn't we they're going to stay off and keep floating off or we're going to come back. But you have a you have to have a place to come back to.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:13:01

And I call it they still place which is that ability to be still unknown. And that is staying to in light and love that we're allowing ourselves to just settle into that. And that stillness and that meditation that you're talking about allows you to say intimately connected to your soul self and anchored, therefore, so you do have a place to come back to so use have a greater sense and enrichment within and not feeling that is always has to occur somehow outside of yourself.

Scott Feld: 00:13:38

It's no, it's just it's just no, like, if you don't have that, it's it's just so much all the time. This world is if you just in it so much. It's so crazy. Like there's so much like No wonder there's so much straightline you can't focus on what you want, what fulfills you, there's like so much, right? And if you just get into that, like, my dad is not just news, like many watches the internet is, you know, and he can tell you all the bad things that are happening in the world. You know, there's so many people that just have this constant noise and pollution filling them and they don't have this place to go. And so if there's any last words, it's like have a place to go. Otherwise, it's just becomes too much. Yeah, it's either going to be too much or you're going to go like be like, you know, you're going to what's the be the change that you want to see? Like get out there right? Don't just like saturate yourself and let it cover you. What do you do, like get out? You know, right? There's something bad happening. Don't just talk about it, talk about it and go like getting action about it. That's the fulfillment like wow, what if you made a difference?

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:14:58

And that's one of the pieces Uh, I guess I continuing this conversation. I know we're supposed to be ending. But I found this conversation very enriching, because it goes back to what you were saying about action, in help you help children how to know to take action, that sometimes as adults, we haven't had those particular types of skills or learnings that you're giving to children, that now we, as adults, they have to learn what that looks like and what that means to go out and be the change that they want to be. Because I think a lot of people feel overwhelmed. Just a little children do at times, everything that's going on around them.

Scott Feld: 00:15:38

Yeah, yeah, they do. I mean, and we all could be there, there is the same amount of stuff up all happening all around us. It's just what are we saturating herself with? I tried personally, this is just my own personal preference, just to know enough to not seem like an idiot, when people are like, oh, did you know this was happening over here, this was happening over there. But at the same time, not saturate myself with it, because I'm up to things. And I need to train my mind to be purposeful and on purpose towards certain things. So that, hey, this thing comes up, like I can be the change of it, because I have some powers. Like, you know, I'm not used to like hearing the next bad news or the next thing that happens in the news. And just being like the world's terrible, the world's actually beautiful. It's incredible. I mean, I love having a kid because we look at these books, and it's like, takes you on these journeys in these voyages, it talks about Greek mythology, and then it takes you off to all these countries is Nordic countries, and all the history and all and you go, Oh my god, this is so amazing. Like, the stuff that's out in this world, and what people have done and how we've grown and moved, and that's where we turn our focus, and it's all there at the same time. All that's still there. As soon as the current event, that's not the world, that's the current event.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:17:01

And what you're talking about, what you talk about in in nationals Adventures is where you put your attention. And if you putting attention to all the negative and burried. And that's what you get filled more with. And that's where your experience will be. And that's why you see a greater increase in people's experiences, anxiety, or greater experiences of depression or sadness, because of not looking at where you're putting your attention to, and being willing to know that you are a co creator. And in that process of which we talked about in the first episode, but being a co creator, that you have an opportunity to switch gears and start to focus on what you really do want. And that's what you're talking about in terms of your putting your attention to be more purposeful, and intentional about how you want to spend your time and how you spend your time.

Scott Feld: 00:17:53

I love the analogy of the thermometer and the thermostat, choosing which one you're going to be the thermometer moves up and down with the outside sources, the weather, right? The thermostat you set. You choose the channel, you choose the temperature, right, and you can change it. But that's your control versus being controlled. And I think that if people just all these little analogies, right, you could just see that you go oh, yeah, I'm gonna be, I want to be the thermostat. Like I want to set my temperature. I've been I've been the thermometer, like my whole life, like, whatever happens like hot, cold, I'm moving with it. I don't want that I want to take control, then all of a sudden, just with that little switch, you can start the action of taking control. And that's what you do. That's what I do. That's what many do is they start being that roadmap for you, that guy, right? You they they seek out how do I do this. And that's why it's so important for us to share like your podcast is amazing. And you know, any marketing thing that we do to share a voice so that people can find us when they're get to that point in their life, like I want change. I don't like the way of living anymore. But for me, it's like for the parents are like, I don't want to be have to be the medicine for my kid later. Like I don't want to have to go through therapy and go through different whatever it might be the things that could be so painful for a family, all in power. Now, I gotta get that message to them,

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:19:22

which I think is so so vitally needed, I really see the value of the superpowers as well as the skills that you're trying to help them in in the way in which they can understand it. And therefore they're more likely to integrate it into their day to day experiences as children with the youngest age to you'd like to work with usually.

Scott Feld: 00:19:45

So the power question for nine to 12 year olds. And again, that goes to my own story. And that goes to the place throughout my experience where I believe we can stop anything that's starting to grow, that might be negative. And we can get in front of things that might grow that tend to grow as you start hitting high school. That being the vitamin, right. So that's really, you know, I've taken a lot of marketing courses and things, and I'm still not great at it. But I'm still learning. And that's what's important. But you know, the narrow in D, and I really had to, because it was like tweens and teens, but I found it to be very different. Because on one side, your teenagers really have already had a lot of experiences that have already given them a lot of their conditioning. And that's not a bad thing to still work with them. But it's a different process. And it's also not one that I feel like, aligns exactly with my story. It's more that nine to 12 year old, there's plenty of them. And if I can just get to as many as possible and just start planting those seeds, right, filling them with that information so that they have some tools in their tool belt, right that they can take with them. So when they hit that that rough spot that time where most kids are getting brought down, or they're going with the crowd, and the crowd is not leaving them in a good place, right? Or that moment where we talk a lot about being unique and following their own path. In that moment, where they have that choice, like the boy not to be gender generalization, but the boy loves ballet. And he's okay. going and doing ballet, he showed the amazing Nutcracker guy, ballet performers who have put their life into their art. And that's his dream. And that's his thing. And he's in that moment, not kind of not doing because he's afraid he'll get laughed. We talked about support versus approval. Approval is a moving target, you know, you go for approval, it's for them. You're always going to be searching for you're never, ever going to find fulfillment. Like you start doing the thing that you love, and watch the support come right to your tribe show up. But you have to go in, because they can't show up. If you're an audience. You don't go through. And those are, those are moments where I get eye opening, like almost chill type moments where kids, you can tell they're thinking, and there's this thing I'd love to do. There's a great, I haven't done it. I've been too afraid. I've been trying to like look like to be like everybody else.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:22:44

And I love what you said about uniqueness. And because there's no, there's no two snowflakes that are alike. So why would we want to always be like the general snow? Do you want to be the snowflake, which is unique and beautiful in crystalline beauty that occurs. And part of that is in that recognition is that soul being on purpose and mission. So you're here maybe to be in the arts, or you're here to be architecture architect, or you're here to be a physician or you're here to be a janitor to be give your gifts in a school system in an indirect way, whatever that is, you're learning to say to yourself to your soul, what is my purpose? How can I be my best self, be at 912 7080 You're always in this conversation with yourself and your inner self, and which I think that's what you're helping the children be able to do is to be able to get comfortable with their inner wisdom, their inner self, that can guide and direct them to be able to make those choices that have been alignment with being their best. And whatever they do.

Scott Feld: 00:23:56

And again, not to be confused, these are young kids who you know, they're gonna go through stuff, but what we've done is we've planted seeds that weren't otherwise there, they certainly weren't there. For me. We're planting seeds. So when these things come up, at the very least they have choice, if they can't unhear it, right. So now all of a sudden, that moment comes up and they have a choice where it didn't see my choice. Like for me, it was like, Oh, I just have to do this, I have to go down this path. Because these are the people who are going to approve of me these are the people who are going to be my people, even if they're doing things I know, aren't that great? Whatever. I don't have the ability I've never been shown or taught Hey, in that moment. Like I can go that way or I don't have to. And so it's not just for them as 910 11 or 12. But it's like a thing to create for their life. Because when they're looking for that job, right or that career, or whatever it is they want to do it themselves. They want to be an artist. Everybody else is like come on, you gotta go do this and This is what we do. You go be an art like, like, they can follow their path, their dream, they can show everybody like this, this is me the ballet, this isn't me. I just went to the Nutcracker. And I was just blown away by what goes like the first of all just the muscles on these people. But then it was just like what they put into this. And I look at especially some of the guys, and I can just think for myself my own upbringing, and I can go, man, that took something for them to step away and go, You know what, I'm going to be a professional ballet dancer, holy moly, I would have never been able to do that unless, like I understood. In that moment, I have that power. And this is my calling. This is what my soul saying I can't find. Because if I find that I go work in an office, I'm going to still have that colleague. It's not going away. Only now I'm in an office kind of stuck far away. I haven't been doing my training. And I wish I was a professional ballet dancer, but that's not going to happen for me. I guess I just have to do this. Great. That's not a great way. It's not good. It

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:26:07

is. It does happen to a lot of people, because they follow the wishes of other people that will tell them what they wouldn't be able to do. But I think you said earlier, a key component of what you do and help the plant those seeds with children. And that is knowing the distinction that approval actually has a negative impact on your self esteem and your confidence. If you only go in for approval

Scott Feld: 00:26:32

and use their power. It's their problem, not yours. Right.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:26:37

Right. Right. Exactly. And that is so great that you're planning that period, because I proceed because so many people go after the approval. Children, I mean, from childhood to adulthood.

Scott Feld: 00:26:51

Well, yeah, I mean, that's what I did that with my dad, I did that with coaches. I, you know, I just wanted them to like, and then I did that with friends.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:27:02

And had a great conversation. And I thank you for your time. I think you again, your wisdom that you're giving to children, as well as their parents. Yeah. And that you're on mission to make a difference. How wonderful. Thank you, Scott.

Scott Feld: 00:27:20

I really appreciate it. Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you so much.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:27:23

You're welcome. Thank you for joining this episode and listening to Scott Feld, and this segment of Real Life Adventures in living. And if you would like to reach out to Scott, his links are below. And also he can be found on Facebook, as well as on Twitter at Zen motion. One, that Zen motion one, he'd be happy to give you more information about his different programs that he offers. Bye for now.