Barriers and Roadblocks to Soul Progress #7 – Grumpy Grudges | EP 039

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are mastering mice adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

Hi, I'm back. And I'm here to talk about another barrier and roadblock to soul progress. And this one, I've noted it as grumpy graduates, grumpy graduates. And when I started thinking about grumpy graduates, I also felt that there was some interplay with what I want to call revolving resentment. So you have the grumpy grudges and evolving reset net, and what are the underlying variables or factors or attributes that relate to these two. But I'm going to be focusing mostly on grumpy grudges. But I think there's still a underlying dynamic where there is a sense of ill will, that you have towards a person or a situation or circumstance as has happened, that may be become grudges persistent, as well as resentment, persistent feeling of that the person did something that was not great towards you that was hurtful, that was painful in your eyes of what went on. And it could be personally taken. Or it may have been in a social situation in which that slight, or that sense of ill will feelings that you developed towards that person, it could be a family member, it could be a spouse, which is a family member. But it also could be a colleague, or a friend, that you've kind of now had this sense of you weren't treated right. You weren't honored in some way. Honored in your perspective about things. So it really creates these garages are knowingly or unknowingly. They're actually creating or carving out space for greater hurt, irritation, anger, sadness, irritability, even fear that this person is going to do it to you or again, with a situation or circumstance you found yourself in is going to happen again. Are you going to be in a social gathering in which you're going to feel embarrassed again, you're in some type of situation in which you felt the underlying issue is unjustly treated, unjustly treated. And so that grumpy grudge starts to farm. And you hold this grudge against somebody because of what they did you feel intentionally, but maybe it was actually unintentional, that they don't even know that you're holding the grudge against them. But you're holding it. And when it becomes persistent feeling of this ill will coming up again, because of past or pressing sense of insult or hurt or injury then is something that is unseen and it can go into our conscious subconscious levels of our being and just hanging out there. And so the next time it happens, it gets a little bit bigger of a grudge, that pebble turns into a stone and that stone turns into a bigger stop. And we're not realizing through our thinking processes that because of Wherever we put our attention to, is what we gain more experiences around which I've talked about in previous episodes, we end up being like a revolving door thinking about this situation. And it's only building up more grudges, which leads to greater resentment that is not helpful to your soul, and your soul evolution. But I'll talk about that in a minute. I want to stay on this issue of these qualities, these grudges and open this alley, so to speak, and alleyway a which we have that sense of anger and frustration and bitterness and irritability, that starts to happen. And sometimes, I think we hold these graduates and there's many reasons why we hope graduates or we build up resubmits. But I want to just talk about three. One is, it may be to a misunderstanding, that we're assuming that others are having maybe a negative intent. And they're, they're intentionally trying to hurt us. And that may not be the case at all. They don't even see it, it may be a blind spot to them. That in some ways, and what they said, or the behavior they engaged in, or the way they laughed at us, then they're not realizing that is building up this sense of a grudge. And what we need to do, in certain situations, in most situations, I would say, we need to ask for clarification from people, we need to ask them. Was there a reason why you said that that way? Or voice, you're something that was going on that I wasn't seeing that you said that in public, when people are around, that made me feel that love made me feel inadequate in some way, you do these types of conversation on a one on one basis. So you try to talk with the person on a one on one and not in a group, you know about this impact that it had upon you. So the first is maybe a misunderstanding. They didn't need it, they were just having some fun, quote unquote. But sometimes their way of having fun may lead to your feeling this degree of graduates, grumpy graduates, and I'll talk about the grumpy in a minute. So that's a possibility. The other thing to take in consideration is with this building of grudges. It can feel you can feel left out not included in a social situation, a task, a work, project at work. Or when you're in a large family, and you're having a social function, and you feel left out they're not asking your thoughts and your opinions are not involved in the activities in any way. And so we can really feel ignored. That someone is not paying attention to us, that can build up a grudge too, because we start to think about what's the matter with me, or what's the matter with this other person. So we get moving into that irritability. And we're moving into the sense that this person isn't indifferent towards us, that they're, you know, as much as I retried to be involved and helpful, they still ignore us, or don't pay attention to what we have to say, or downplay what we have to say. And so we don't realize, subtly or overtly, he feels up graduates, because it's it when this person does it again, and they do it another time and they do it another time, then it just makes us feel even more so at that garage that may move into resentment, that this person is treating us in a particular way in which we feel left out not included, not involved in the decision or in the activity. And then there is a third way that this can assert itself these grudges is is that a person hurt us and are injured when we were interacting with us in some ways, that they said something you see how these are all tied together in terms of this feeling of feeling that this person is treating us or mistreating us or ignoring us in some particular ways that builds up these grudges and it occurs at an emotional level.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:09:52

It occurs at an emotional level that these feelings just hang out and are in US so they can manifest in a marriage when we're with someone that we love. But this person also has heard us or done things to us. Maybe they know it, and maybe they don't know, because we haven't shared it with them. And so it results in us holding a grudge. And so we hold this grudge, not realizing that it does impact our soul, our interactions, our connectedness to something higher than ourselves, I Am Presence, God source or creator, it creates this barrier for us. Because where there is grudges, and it moves into that realm of even resentment. It does create over time, a Hardness of heart, our heart becomes hardened. That's where that quality of bitterness comes in, that grudges start to create within us. And we have to say no, to moving our minds thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and this ruminating and this ruminating and moving us into this whole sense of hardness towards the person or the situation or the circumstances in that hardness can take the form of I don't care, you do what you want to do. I'm going to do what I want to do. So that hardness is not in the best interest in the long run. Because if we're developing the hardness of heart, then it says we're trying to protect ourselves. We're trying not to care. But the reality is we do care. So don't move towards the hardness of heart, move towards curiosity, move towards curiosity, and being willing to ask more questions. And when we are able to do that, we may learn more information that allows us to be able to step out of that hardness, and get into the light of understanding. And that's what our soul wants for us. Because what we're trying to really not get pigeonholed into, or get into like a pothole around is a sense of injustice of how, when word where we've been treated in some way, we're trying not to move there, because injustice does not serve us. And we have to know this experience that's happening to me, is trying to teach me something about myself. And it's allowing me to be able to learn, grow in order to let go of certain things. And know that people externally are not the dictators of our life. We have to be in that driver's seat. We have to dictate what we want to go on our lives. We have to be the ones that say grudges or have no space within me.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:12:59

Resentment, which is a higher order, the next order of these grudges have no place within me and where there is grumpiness I have to be able to go after because that grumpiness is telling me there's something else that I need to attend to. And when you think about grumpy, think about someone who is easily annoyed. Anger or discontentment about something often has complaints that are taking place. So grumpy plus grudges, boxes us in into a particular state of being that is not in the best interest for a soul evolution. And so one of the things that you know when grumpiness is showing its head, then you're knowing that when I get grumpy, it is telling me something's up because usually where there's grumpiness, it's also a code word for a bad mood. And it's also maybe related to a stubbornness about not wanting to let go of something. So become more stubborn about our perspective about things that were being right and the other person is wrong about what they did or said towards us. We become having an unyielding nature, in particular their ways. They become cantankerous in our demeanor. And then there is this this quality that we just label as grumpy. So then, when you have the grumpy and the grudges because of sense of injustice that's being done to you. These qualities, as I said earlier, boxes in the soul. It puts it in a cell, like a jail house or jail room. And we have to be the ones to have the key to turn up that door to open it up, to allow us to walk out of that jail cell. And one of the things we can do is first and foremost, now that we do have the key that we can work on this. And that we do have warning signs that allows us to know where we're getting into that grumpy garage carouge. Slash resentment towards thing. We feel it in our bodies. It is a feeling state, emotional state that we feel. And that when we have that, and I would invite you to think about when I move into grudges, or move into resentments, what am I notice going on in my body? What am I notice going on with my breath? What am I notice going on around my heart? Or my stomach? On my shoulders? Is there tightness that occurs? Because we need to first understand the warning signs because how we mentally think about things does have an impact on our physical body, our physicality, and how we're feeling in our body. So that's one thing that we can be able to do. The other thing I was thinking about, with crumby grudges. Remember this story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and there was bashful there was dark and Dopey, grumpy and happy and sleepy and sneezy. Wow, one of the doors was grumpy, right? And grumpy. And this story of Snow White was, you know, really related to having a bad mood, as I said earlier, and being stubborn about things and actually didn't like Snow White initially and didn't want Snow White to stay at their cabin, where they were, and had an unyielding nature. And could could be irritable and get the red nose, you know, as well, I invite you to go and see this disease, no White and the Seven doors is a classic. But he also had a complex character. And that complexity of the character was what I want to talk about as it relates to the soul. Because just as there are many facets to a diamond,

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:17:48

there are many facets to who you are. And in those facets, there's some aspects or edges of the diamond that is buffed up. There are some facets of the surface is buffed up, maybe there are others that are not and and what you're learning to do with this diamond image to the diamond of your soul, is to understand what needs to be buffed crappie had some qualities to him, that on the surface is what we're talking about these qualities of the grudges that can happen to a person, but hidden deep down within him, which is talking about the deeper aspects of the soul. These are qualities that he also had a fierce loyalty to Snow White, just as much our soul has a fierce loyalty to one to be its best self, wanting to see the good in a situation, needing to be trained and helped to be able to see the greater good. And so with this complexity, and they're kind of AI dimensions to grumpy is what I want to talk about the trades. When you think about grumpy to think about fairness, you do think about resistance to change and cling on to a particular belief pattern. Also with the crumby character was his quality of loyalty and making sure that he was protecting a protected quality and that protect the quality is what our soul wants from us to our soul wants to be protected wants to you to be fiercely loyal to his evolution and growth and see as a part of who you are not something standing separate from you. And it also your soul wants you to persevere and this is what grumpy did in the in the story of her whiteness seven doors wants you to have this perseverance, but shows a greater degree of determination to achieve what you need to achieve in your life. Your soul has a divine plan, it has a divine mission. And sometimes because we're not sure what that divine plan or mission is, we don't have a North Star. And our soul is our North Star. And our soul is evolving, and trying to grow into being more Christ, like in interactions, and thoughts, and words and deeds, evolving towards that Christ my quality, which also is evolving towards being more a part of what the Creator is, the I Am Presence, the art line. That's true source. And being an outpost of the divinity of that source, not knowing or exhibiting the qualities or crampy, or resentment, which only creates that barrier and circling back, it creates this hardness of heart. So where there is hardness of heart, it's hard to feel our soul. It's hard to be in contact with that soul sensitivity that guides us that's guiding us in aiding us. And it also moves of off the path of being more Christ like in our interactions, and our thoughts, and in our words, and in our DS, being kind, being considerate, and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, because we're on a planet that is imperfect, none of us is perfect. None of us are going to do it by 24/7. And that's not what God's looking for. God is not looking to human perfection, he's looking for the quality of your heart, the quality of your love, the quality of your patience, the quality of your ability to forgive your quality of your ability to let go and work on letting go work on forgiving work on seeing things from the perspective of what would Jesus do in this situation? What would Buddha do in this situation with Mother Teresa during this situation, you know, is we're looking at the higher qualities, that's the soul evolutionary path. That's what the soul is wanting is that for you to keep focus on that star of the highest good, and the highest level of evolution that you can be each and every day. So it does require moving out of grumpy, this grumpy grudges and this revolving resent net in which the mind is going on and on and on about what the person did and when they did and how they did it in the grumpiness. And it's just building these more greater potholes and self and also creating a degree of in harmony within oneself. So just says you can add hardness of heart because of the holding of longterm at ease grudges and resentment, you can also create the hardness of heart. Because you have decided that you're not going to allow a person or situation or event to happen to you or again, as opposed to asking God, God, why what's going on that this situation is happening? What's going on, that this situation is happening? What is it that I need to see helped me to see, guide me, by bring people into my life, they can help me to be the best person that I can be. And when it comes to these buildup of graduates that we feel it somewhere in our body, we feel it. And so we have to be able to say, I don't want to feel this anymore. I don't want to feel this out of alignment state. It's like, you know, when the potholes when your car hits a deep pothole, it could have put your alignment out in your car. Well, we don't we want to be back in alignment. And to go back into alignment needs must be a degree of harmony with internally within us. There must be a degree in which we're creating space, just for God to flow into us by meditation, by prayer, by Fiat ads that we do. By putting our attention to things that we want more of not putting our attention to things that we want lesser part we're going to put our attention to grudges and resentments. That only builds up more of that. Why not put our attention to what we do want, which is harmony and peace and mantras that relate to harmony and peace and passages in the Bible that relates to our Are many MPs and inspirational readings that give us something to put our attention to put our minds to put our ability to meditate to, I put our attention to having a song that's uplifting that is inspiring that we can harmonize and hum. That we can hum to as a way of self soothing ourselves. So they're like fundamental things that I want you to begin to think about as we leads to this grumpy grudges. crumby actually showed us in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Underneath this crustiness of his grumpiness was a fundamental desire of wanting the best for Snow White. And so he became her protector, very loyal, persistent and determined. That's what our soul wants to think of snow why, and think of our soul in the innocence of our soul. And that innocence in that light, and love, because since no white represents kindness, a gentle nature, nature, same qualities of the soul. So we have to be protecting. And this is what grumpy in the positive way was doing is pretty Murni to flip that grumpiness and the outer self, the ego persona and move it into another quality, it's like, decided to no longer take the low road, but decided to take the high road. And the high row was those qualities I mentioned before, of loyalty, perseverance, and being willing to be the protector of Snow Whites protector of the soul. And when we're able to do that, that empowers us, helps us to do solve the graduates because we see that there's something greater than the garages, we see that our soul is trying to navigate through a situation. And we are willing to ask our higher self, the angels, the masters of light, love and peace, to help us learn how to operate and be in a different way. How to change our behaviors, change the old garments into new garments of light, love, peaceand gratitude. Think about how you can change some of the grumpy feelings or thoughts that you're having and immediately pivot and make a change and ask for harmony and peace to manifest where you are. Have a favorite book that you can be able to read. Have a scriptural passage that you can go through with yourself. That is soothing, that is uplifting, but you say no to grudges no longer here. Make sense? Try it. Something to think about. Bye for now.