Episode 7

Laying the Foundation: Is it My Ego or Soul Expressing in Daily Situations! | EP 007

Dr. Judith shares some ways to distinguish between whether it is your ego operating versus the Soul expressing in your interactions. She shares an acronym L.E.N.S. to view how the ego and soul looks at daily situations and provides helpful questions to ask oneself to tap more into your Soul expression. Also, she suggests choosing one virtue to intentionally work on cultivating your mastery which supports Soul growth, and she shares her virtue quality.

Please feel free to join our Mastering Life's Adventures (MLA) Extras and Community Forum for seekers desiring a community of like-minded people!


About the Host:

Dr. Judith Holder’s passion is empowering people to be their best selves! Dr. Holder is the founder and executive director of Unique Pathways™ (www.uniquepathwayscoaching.com). She is a leadership coach-psychologist, facilitator, consultant, and author.

Our paths are filled with many adventures in which Judith believes can be seen as growth opportunities, even during challenging times. She likes to think about, discover, and discuss personal and professional life’s circumstances as you journey through life, through the lens of Christian values, Buddhist precepts, Ascended Master teachings and Esoteric Principles to gain greater clarity and mastery in daily living. 

Dr. Holder is the author of Mastering Life’s Adventures: On the Beam – Essential Insights for Growth and Self-Mastery, and an e-book, Opening Up to Your Divinity: Practical Strategies and Practices for Soul Growth

On a personal note, Dr. Holder sees herself as a perpetual student learning from her everyday adventures, which she considers as a part her ongoing growth and evolution of her SOUL. The fun part is we are all walking similar journeys together!

Judith enjoys spending time with family, vacationing at beaches and mountains sides, reading, walking, partaking in mindfulness practices, and is a certified yoga instructor.


Dr. Holder’s books on Mastering Life’s Adventures: On the Beam and Opening Up to Your Divinity: Practical Strategies and Practices for Soul Growth can be found at -



Mastering Life’s Adventures “How to” Downloadable Courses at www.uniquepathwayscoaching.com under the Tab “Offerings”

  • Course 1: Mastering Life’s Adventures mini-course
  • Course 2: Opening Up to Your Divinity mini-course


Learn more about “Mental Fitness for Busy People”, at www.uniquepathwayscoaching.com under the Tab, “Offerings”


You can also check out Dr. Holder’s at

LinkedIn page: https://www.linkedin.com/in/judith-c-holder-phd-ms-pcc-bcc-a1a4a57/

Executive and Leadership Coaching website: www.uniquepathwayscoaching.com

Speaking Engagements (for Women New to Leading): www.drjudithholder.com


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Dr. Judith Holder:

Welcome to Mastering Life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith Holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life adventures. All preparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are mastering mice adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder:

Hi, I had mentioned that I was going to talk a little bit about the soul and the ego persona. And I'm going to do that in a minute. But first, I wanted to check in to see how did things go with choosing one or all the options I left you to think about as it relates to take in three to five minutes tests for steel time. And what I would add to that is, is that if you could space those three to five minutes out throughout the day, just intentionally take still time, it gets easier to be able to be still. Also the other thing I asked about is what your visualization is, and put some comments in the chat. And thank you for those who put some comments in the chat. And but there may be other thoughts that you might have. And so, you know, what are what is this visualization I told you mind, I would love to hear about yours. And the other was is to find a couple of quotes that really reflects your sense of what the soul is. Because what you may have a sense of now it may continue to evolve. And that's all about what life is about, is to continue to evolve our understanding. And that's what I'm interested in. Because I don't like to stay stationary, I like to continue to evolve my understanding of these concepts that we're talking about, as you're living your life on a day to day basis, and trying to pull the silver lining out of the experiences that we have the good, the bad, and the not so great experiences. So let me know your thoughts about those if there's additional thoughts you may have. But today, we're really talking and focusing on is it your soul? Or is your ego operating and your intimate experiences in your interactions, we have been so so conditioned from childhood to adulthood to focus on certain attributes, the inner beam or the the ego, which is that energy going out or the energy, I think you're heard it is edging God out. So however you want to think of it, but it is the persona, the mask that we do wear, it has its place. So I don't think you should just throw the ego away. It has its place. But also it needs to have its place and not be the center of attention to all the things that you are engaged in. Because it gets to be a little bit wobbly when the ego is because egos very much always into, well, are you doing it better than me, then I gotta do it more. If I have to do more, then it gets into competitiveness. And if it gets into competitiveness and gets into having to win every time, that then allows me to know that I'm good at what I do, because I've won. And that's not the way of the soul actually. And we'll talk about the way in the soul in a minute. But the ego, which we're focusing on, really, I guess is to think about how am I handling challenges, because how you handle challenges does give you an indicator about what's operating, ie the ego, or the soul awareness and engagement. But from the ego perspective, for example, when you have a relationship breakup that you are with someone for a good period of time, and you thought things were going to work work out because of various reasons. They did not and so you're devastated by it. Or you got a demotion, and you thought you're gonna get a promotion, not a demotion. And so it's really created a lot of resentment and bitterness and, and pain and hurt in you in terms of how you're reacting to that demotion. And then there may be something with the passing of a parent or even a child. It's just very, very painful and how are we dealing with those situations? Because it can leave us depressed and feeling down and out especially when you lose a parent and a child that that it's a painful experience in itself, to have that go to that type of loss, but also onto habit that? How's your ego managing it? Or is it your soul trying to manage it

Dr. Judith Holder:

the situation? Well, when you have a health issue that comes out, that's very, very severe health issue or scare, you know, like a cancer scare that takes the pain out there comes up for you. It's like, how did I deal with how I deal with that challenge, or leader, and he was having, you know, issues with two or their employees, and he are having personality clashes, and is driving that leader to be very stressed, and uncertain, and getting more and more frustrated and annoyed. All these situations relate to how the ego handles the situation. And the ego really moves from the point of a sense of injustice, you do something bad to me, Well, maybe I'll just retaliate and do something bad to you. Or it moves from a point of anger. And it shows his anger really quickly, because it feels justified because you did this thing over here. And then in the ego likes to gossip. So these are all qualities that come out through the ego, whether they're I don't care where you are on the planet, human getting the good conditions that happened to us in terms of the ego, and also the issue about the holding of a garage. And you're holding that grudge, because you're thinking that this person intentionally harmed you or intentionally made you look bad in some particular way. And sometimes people are clueless, they're clueless that they have done something negative or bad to you. Or even if they do have a cue that they're doing something is still your responsibility to think about, what's my reaction? And how do I want to handle it? How do I want to deal with this? The ego also move into blame. It's the blame game. Now you're the person who did it really wrong. I just kind of did it wrong. So you're worse than me? Yeah, I was like, wow, that's the ego. And also, ego comes out, when it doesn't feel like he's gonna recognize, I think we've all had that experience, and our egos coming out, where we thought we should have been recognized for the hard work that we did, or for defending a particular perspective. And we're not at all. And so that also gets us to feel like we are needing to justify and tell the person while you should recognize me, or you should have seen that, you know, I was trying to do this on your behalf and to your benefit. On and on and on. The ego can chat up by storm of discontentment, justification, and wanting to get even one to make sure I'm the ruler of the roast, not you. And son egos are really really dogmatic, as relates to making sure they win. And you lose. It's not not a win win situation. But it's more of a I want to win. And if I win, then I feel good. That's the ego. And when it's not winning, or thinks is not being heard, then it also moves into ruminating, ruminating about the past and what was said to them and what was said to her or him and worrying about the future about what I need to do and how I need to do it. And why I want to do it. The ego, when it's not under the auspices of the soul can be like us a cesspool swimming in negativity. Yeah, like a cesspool. And that negativity has this impact on you. Because ultimately, what the ego wants most of all, is to be right. To be right. So therefore it feels better. It justifies its existence. But that is really not the best way of being, it takes a lot of energy. And it keeps us off the mark of our soul evolution to what our soul is needing. You know, I had a situation that happened to me just this past week, in which I was in a large zoom virtual call room. And I had made a statement, which I'd like to get into the details. But overall arching I made a statement that I thought was very appropriate to be made in order to give p back to the question that was being asked. And in the chat. Another person who's more of a spirit to me, wrote quickly about their comment and their thoughts about the situation. And then I tried to bracht, her understanding of this situation and gave him more information. And then she came back around and just wanting to say Nope, this is kind of what you need. This is about how you said it, or what you said, and this is what, you know, we, you know,

Dr. Judith Holder:

I want you to be aware of this like. So I just took my hands off the keyboard, and became really aware and began to think about what's going on here. I became still, I didn't need to now go back and forth with her, trying to justify my point, to be able to give clarity to her, I thought the points that had given in the chat, were clear. So we always have a choice to ask ourselves first, what's going on? Is there something I need to continue to move forward with? Or maybe it's something that I really do not. But in making that conscious decision, it allowed me to be able to say now, I don't need to keep on going back and forth with this. I don't need to be, quote unquote, right. But there was also a part of me who didn't want to be right. So I wanted to continue the dialogue, but not at the expense of harmony and peace of my soul. See, there's the subtle things that go on, that allows the soul to continue to blossom and grow. And there certainly are things that go on that shuts it down, and are to meet with our soul. And we have to each learn what that is in terms of the situations or events or challenges are in front of us, or how we need to listen, and be attuned to the fact, I need to make a change here. This was a subtle initiation of testing of my attunement, because I noticed that for a couple of hours afterwards, it was still not like in the forefront of my mind. But it was still percolating and saying, what's going on what's happening here, you know, why there was a need for this person to say what she needed to say, I eventually came to the point of asking, these are the things you can ask yourself, because we want harmony, harmony is see the breadth of what the soul needs, in order to shine and expand and grow harmony within ourselves. So even if it's subtle, this connection, disharmony that creates is created. It's up to us to go after that. And Steve was up, my sister bothering me. And so it is really with asking about and being aware of purpose. I'm here for a higher purpose, a higher good, what is the higher good in this situation? So you have the purpose, which is favorable? What is the purpose here? What is it that I want to say? Is it really needed at this point? And then what is the higher good? And the situation? In terms of the higher good sometimes is the person having? You know, because the higher good is maintaining a greater measure of harmony for yourself? And then is to be able to ask yourself, what is the truth of the matter here? What is the truth in this situation? And I could see the truth of the situation if this person wanted to be right. And would that be smothered me and hurt me? You know, I'm terms of the comments. She's making me? No, not really. But since it's still had a little bit of a grain of irritation or frustration within me, and even though it's a grain of a mustard seed, is for me to be able to go after, and I went after it through prayer. And I asked it to be resolved and disowned within me. And that it would be a harmonious relationship with this interaction with this person moving forward. So this person sent me two more two emails throughout the day, I think it was three emails throughout the day, on check, not checking in on me about the situation but other situations that we have common things or things in common, and that she needed to, and I could easily have hold a garage and just say, I'm not going to respond to her email, or I'm going to do this or do that. It's like, No, I'm going to respond. Because one of the qualities we all should choose a quality that we want to gain a point of mastery around. And my quality is I just want loving kindness and the virtue that I want to cultivate an attitude want to cultivate this loving kindness, what's yours? So in this situation, what is that loving kind thing to do? To respond, to be respectful, can keep things moving. But the only way that we can

Dr. Judith Holder:

sometimes do that is be aware of our inner dialogue. That is enhancing the soul which we'll talk about in a minute, or enhancing the ego and through this incessant negativity, that we can swim and swim in and be aware of the outer conversations that we have with other people. Because in that process of gossip, I think going to talk about you know, to other people about how you know this situation happened I don't know If I didn't do that, I don't need to do that. Because I know also another truth is the power of the spoken word is very powerful. And ours want to use my words that are going to be helpful, and enlightening, and uplifting of individuals. So this takes us to the end, when you're looking at the soul operating, which is the substance of your life, it looks that leads to a different lens, than the lens. So the ego persona or the ego and think of lens are, it's like these little analogies here, or acronyms, I should say. But lens is light, energy, network of awareness, as source centered. So you're always looking at things that will uplift in terms of light that we talked about last time, what type of image you want to have for yourself, and my soul image is light. And the energy by which this situation is occurring by looking at the energy and which is coming to you, so that you're aware of it, so it doesn't ruffle your feathers. And if it does, you'll be able to kind of check it, and then work on because we're living a life of growth and development, and seeing everything as opportunities to be able to grow at a soul level, into the network of awarenesses. That I know there are certain laws and principles and concepts and precepts, you know that life does operate by, I want to be in alignment, I want to be in alignment with the will of God in my life, and saying something nasty or mean or belligerent, or having the last bird, those, that's not what God's about. That's the human, that's the ego. That's what that's about. And I don't want to go down that path. I'm on a different path as a seeker, I'm seeking for the greater good, I'm seeking for the greater truth, I'm seeking to be able to have my soul continue to grow and blossom for you to reunite a night, or be in a flow with my dad's source, my eye and presence. Think about that for you. Because what happens is, since we've been so conditioned living in this world, and with our society and family, and social norms, and everything else, the ego really has a heyday and terms of how it reacts to situations as negative or positive. We're as the spiritual centered response is more patience, and wants to weigh in and more neutral state until the answer comes, what is the best next step for you to do for you to take. And sometimes those answers come from a satellite, it comes to a person comes to a book, it comes to a headline on something, and it comes to another person, it comes in different ways. But we're being alert on what's the best next step, especially in challenging situations. The situation earlier was nice for a challenging situation, it's just something that just happened to me recently, that really helped to give example of the ego versus the soul, and how it wants to see things through and deal with the situation and when they're arising. So I'm hoping that your king having a better awareness of the ego and how it shows itself or the ego persona, the mask by which it shows us up by and more subtleness and the lens by which the soul is a seeing a these types of situations, testings, these types of events, persons, when they're showing themselves in our world are always being more attuned to what is being asked of me to do here. And how can I be kind or considerate, which is qualities of the soul, which is very sensitive, and is very intuitive. And it's very much wanting to support and help in an appropriate way. But not to gain something which is the ego then becomes a stepping in there. It's not to gain is to do it because you can do it the best or the right thing to do at the time. So one of the things that you can begin to do is reflect on how you want to be in certain situations ahead of time. The how you want to show up in situations that you know may be a challenge in your situation and challenging conversations and challenging with certain personalities is to think about more intentionally about how you want to be in this situation and what that would look like. That is kind that is uplifting, that is getting your point across and that saying that you don't have a perspective about things. And that you need to express a truth when truth needs to be expressed in the situation. Certainly, you do need to do that. But if there is a person who is wanting to make sure that their their perspective is more important than your perspective, then you say what you need to say, you may have to say it once or twice, make sure the person was aware of what you said, because sometimes people don't hear because there's so much caught up in thinking about what they want to say next is is that

Dr. Judith Holder:

and they need to not be able to let go, you have to find a way to let it go and move forward. So reflect on how you want to be in situations that more and more challenging, and start observing when your ego is coming out. And when your soul responses are coming out in this situation. The other thing you can do is feel beat attuned to that these types, the situation of this type of event, or when a person makes this type of statement. That's when I noticed this behavior, whatever this behavior is showing yourself up, which may be more ego related than soul related. So the question that you may want to ask yourself to actually reflect again, this particular way that I'm talking about right now is how do I know when it is my soul prompting me to act or make a statement versus my ego persona? How do I distinguish? So we're invoking now distinctions that I start to be aware of, and the more that we can start distinguishing them, the more that we can allow our soul to be more center, front and center, under I Am Presence, our mighty I Am Presence. But also, we are then over our ego who wants to make this comment, this flippant comment. Because we didn't like what the person said to us, we don't do it. Because we know there's a law of the universe called the conservation of energy, that we want to conserve our energy and not go out all over the place. with anger and frustration and annoyance and letting the person know what's on our mind. We want conservation of energy. And that conservation of energy out there is the energy that allows and feeds and nurtures our soul, that we are now more center and an awareness through that visualization. Have you taken still time of being attuned to the creative beauty and expansiveness that our soul can evolve to, but we need to distinguish between when our egos front and center where it doesn't need to be. And what we're ultimately learning is, is the soul will go out and letting you use the ego, and our personality, the juries that happiness and all the quirks of our personality, it will integrate it into the essence of the beauty of the soul, as well. So the soul will know when it needs to say something and you wanting it not to always be centered around that the person got me angry, or the person, you know, got said something that I needed to respond to, or I need to just, you know, put them in their place. That's that's usually ego. Let me know your thoughts. How do you distinguish between your ego, and your soul? I like to leave our conversation today with a quote by Gandhi, I thought was interesting. And you may have some thoughts about it too, because we've been talking about the soul. And the distinction between the ego operating is and this is the quote, and the attitude of Simon's the soul finds the path in a clear light. And what is elusive, and deceptor resolves itself into crystal clear nests in our life is a long and arduous. I will say joyful though, quest for after truth. And that's what seekers are looking for is the truth and have the truth, as my mother would say, because it will set us free for what she would say ignorance, ignoring of the loss that exist. And those are spiritual loss. So take care. Bye for now.